September 14, 2013

Film Review: Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Well, I went into this expecting some all-out "so bad it's good" charm, but holy crap! Children can make better films than this!

The story is abysmal. It spends nearly forty minutes on the lamest and most un-dynamic love story ever filmed. When the "birdemic" finally hits, there's no good reasoning or explanation for anything (and certainly no explanation for why all the birds leave at the end). It's all blamed on global warming. Yep, then the film goes on to shove global warming into the audience's faces at every turn.  Because, apparently, it will cause birds to freak out and turn into GIF files that zoom along with airplane sound effects and can spontaneously combust.

The actual bird attack is the lamest thing ever committed to film. The birds are so cheap, and they tend to hover in place and incessantly repeat the same stock sound effects over and over again. They go on to dive-bomb everything and explode in cheap-looking explosions.

Acting? Terrible across the board. Writing? Just as terrible. Production? This film was probably made with pocket change. Filming? So very pedestrian. Sound quality? My God, the sound was the worst. It kept cutting in and out, with dialogue and sound getting cut off randomly. At first, I thought the disc was screwed up.

There are some scenes that go on for far too long. The beginning credits are a hoot; it's like five minutes of nonstop driving and driving and driving, with the same music looping two or three times. Same goes for the film's final shots.

There's easily a thousand other things wrong with this picture. You can laugh at it. You can pick it apart and pour all your hatred into it. You can get bored and walk away. For the most part, the former applies the best, so long as you are open to such bad cinema and can find enough good humor to take this film as it is. It's certainly up there on the "so bad it's good" meter, and would likely supersede most of the films shown on the SyFy channel (take that, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus!).

1.5/5 (Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Awful | Film: Awful)

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